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fic - perfectly mismatched [misc] - the turnip patch
version 2.0
turnippatch
turnippatch
fic - perfectly mismatched [misc]
Title:  Perfectly Mismatched
Summary:  So I started out thinking that this was just a cute fluffy little ficlet-lite, but then I realized that I'm quoting jingle lyrics from fourteen years ago. Then it just got depressing.



Perfectly Mismatched


"Go out with me."

"No."

"Come on.  Why not?"

As if they hadn't been down this road a dozen times in the past.  Heero just hitched his backpack higher on his shoulder and kept on walking.  "I'm not interested in men."

Just as the dozen times before in the past, Duo remained undeterred, matching Heero step for step.  "But you're open-minded, right?  You said you were."

He considered it carefully, trying to figure out if his answer would put him at a disadvantage.  The alternative was being close-minded, and that was bad, right?  Nothing wrong with being open-minded.  "So?"

Duo put a peppy bounce in his step and tried not to look too smug.  "If you were totally completely against the idea, you'd have told me off a long time ago."

Heero just rolled his eyes.  "Maybe you just amuse me."

"See, right there!"  Duo hurried forward a couple of steps so he could turn and grin at Heero face to face.  "Beautiful start of a relationship, right?  Humor, repartee..."

He considered suppressing his sigh, but decided there was little reason to.

Duo fell back as he righted himself, not wanting to trip over a root as they took the shortcut through the planter.  He caught sight of a friend heading out to class and raised his hand in greeting, but the distraction was fleeting in the face of his favorite hobby.  "Give me a chance.  You never know."

"Is that like how there's actually a chance that I might be able to survive on the surface of the sun?"

"Nah, that's all quantum mechanics.  This doesn't have anything to do with that."

"That's good.  You had way too much fun during the quantum unit."

Of course.  He liked brain-bending things.  He liked that Heero didn't like brain-bending things, and that he'd gotten permission to help bend Heero's brain for the sake of their problem sets.  "Didn't you participate in the Great Thermite Experiment two years ago?  You like livin' on the edge, don't you?"

If Heero had known it would be called the Great Thermite Experiment, he would never have volunteered.  "That was in the name of science."

"Blowing shit up for science.  I'm down with that."  Duo snapped dramatically.  "See, we have common interests!  And psychology's a science, too, yeah?"

"Not really."

"Fine, study of human sexuality, not so much, maybe.  But anatomy?  Biology?  Endocrinology?  And the study thereof.  Ooh, chemistry?"  He winked cheerfully.  "Come on.  Going out with me would be for the sake of science, too!"

"I doubt that.  Unless we were studying neurochemical imbalances, perhaps."

Hey, a concession was a concession.  "We could even use the scientific method, yanno?  Explore all avenues thoroughly, repeatedly even.  You know, to ensure the accuracy of our results."

"Would this be why I'm repeatedly rejecting you?"  At last, his dorm was in sight, and the relief let him breathe a little easier.

"Sure.  I mean, you might just say 'yes', and it would blow your entire hypothesis of disinterest out of the water.  For the sake of science, man, it's our duty to support only the facts!"

He stopped, first foot on the stairs up to the second story.  "You're joking, right?"

The strangely manic look in Duo's eye was quite ambiguous in its answer.  The little dance he did going up the stairs was slightly less so.  "Like Abbott and Costello, like Sonny and Cher," he sang as he took the stairs with a jaunty step.  "Like Martin and Lewis, they're a perfect pair."

Heero winced.  "Please stop."

"Like Laurel and Hardy, like Fontanne and Lunt, they're perfectly mismatched, they're Rita and Runt!"  He ended his routine with a flourish and a pose at the top of the stairs.

Heero shook his head and walked past him.  "I never thought I'd say this, but I hope I'm Rita."

"Fine by me."  Duo hustled forward to pull even with him again, and once there, he elbowed Heero lightly in the side.  "'Cuz, yanno, she never could resist the charms of ol' Runt."

"...Being something of a runt myself, I will refrain from making jokes on the matter."

"Thank you.  See!  Another point in common!"

They finally reached the entrance to Heero's safe haven.  He opened the door and stepped inside, but clearly blocked Duo's mild attempt to follow by leaving no space to do so.  "Duo...."

"Yup?"

He studied his longtime friend for a few seconds before dropping his eyes to Duo's feet, hiding an expression of fond exasperation.  "Maybe... maybe you should just stop trying so hard."  He looked up with a soft smile before shutting his door firmly behind him.

Duo blinked at the door's room number for a handful of suddenly speedy heartbeats before he grinned like a delighted loon and did his little jig back to his own room, three doors down the hall.







for the uncultured, rita and runt are two characters from the WB's Animaniacs, and the song duo sings is their theme song.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rita_and_Runt
woe.  i remember a time when that wouldn't have to be cited.
i shouldn't write things that have to be cited.



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