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fic - two sheets to the wind : 12 - the turnip patch
version 2.0
fic - two sheets to the wind : 12
Thus concludes the Two Sheets to the Wind collection.  Hello, 2017.

Two Sheets to the Wind
Part 12

"Last night, what you said... That was the alcohol talking.  I understand that."

"No..."  Duo scratched the back of his head awkwardly.  "Last night, what I said..."  He glanced away for a moment and cleared his throat.  "That was.... uh, the alcohol letting the cat out of the bag."

Heero took his time processing that.  "Oh.  I."  He thought some more.  "I didn't know you... had a cat."

"Um.  Yeah.  Well."

"You've never mentioned this before."

"Yeah.  Well."  He decided to stop being a coward and meet Heero's eyes.  "I kinda figured you for a dog person."

Heero pondered how he wanted to take that.  "I don't think I've had much experience with cats, that's all."

Duo wasn't entirely sure how he wanted to take that.  "Uh.  Well.  Ever think about... going that route?"


"Cats have their quirks and all, but... I think if you can put up with 'em, it could prove... rewarding?"  Gah, he was in no way certain why he said that, but he did.

"How often do you have to feed a cat?"


"Well.  I don't know much about cats, or how to care for them.  What would happen if I forgot to feed it once in a while?"

"Yeah, well, this cat's been getting by on the occasional scrap just fine.  Uh," he hastened to continue after Heero got a bothered look on his face.  "I mean, this cat'll eat pretty much anything, yanno, so, uh... that's... okay?"

The bothered look got more bothered, if anything else.  "Your cat deserves better than that."

"Yeah, well... It's just kinda satisfied being alive.  I think."  This conversation was getting a little confusing.  He sighed somewhat heavily, ran a hand through his bangs.  "I dunno, man, I probably oughta have put this cat down a long time ago, but... kinda warm to snuggle with at night, I guess."

Heero's face held a faint frown, which was merely his thinking-carefully expression.  "I would like to meet your cat."

"You... what?"  Duo stared at him.  "Are you just saying that because you feel sorry for my cat?"

Heero looked at him steadily, letting silence speak for him until he spoke for himself, just to be absolutely clear.  "No.  I would not say something like that out of mere pity."

"Yeah?  Well you don't get to say something like that out of mere curiosity or anything, either.  Maybe my cat doesn't like being gawked at."

"I am not --"  He stopped, took a breath, restarted.  "I have an honest interest in your cat."

"Yeah?  Well..."

Heero read that hesitance through the filter of all he knew of Duo.  "I can't say for sure how things will turn out."  He held Duo's eyes seriously.  "But I can guarantee that I will treat your cat with the utmost care and respect."

"You..."  Duo swallowed.  "It's a pretty mangy cat.  It might not return the favor.  It might scratch up your furniture.  You probably won't even like my cat."

"I like you," Heero said matter-of-factly.  "And if your cat is anything like you... It seems like there is a good chance I might like your cat, too."

"Yeah, but... like, a cat kind of like or..."

Heero ran a quick self-analysis.  "True, it may be a 'dog' kind of like.  But dogs and cats aren't always incompatible."

"I get into the weirdest conversations with you, Yuy."

"I could say the same of you."

"It'll probably cough up hairballs all over you."

"It's a long-haired breed.  Probably not entirely unexpected."

Duo blinked at him blankly for a moment before snorting out a short laugh.  "Seriously?"

Heero responded with a one-shouldered shrug and a tiny smile.

"Um.  Fleas?"

"I am willing to offer your cat regular grooming and a healthy diet, for as long as it likes.  There may be a bit of a learning curve involved, but after that, the process should smooth out.  That should go a long way toward... improving your cat's disposition."

"As long as...."  Duo's brow furrowed.  "Don't make promises."

"I don't know much about dogs, either, truth be told.  But dogs are loyal.  I know that much.  Even if... Even if your cat no longer needs these things from me.  They will be available."

He opened his mouth, shut it again.  "Well... long as it's not one of those little yippy dogs...," he said eventually, for lack of anything better to say.  The very fact that they were having this weird-ass conversation was probably indicative of something he was probably edging his way around.

Heero made a small sound of amusement.  "I don't think so.  But my dog may need some grooming of its own before we can properly take its measure."

"My cat would be happy to give your dog a tongue bath."


"Um.  Well, only after they sniffed each other's crotches first.  ...Um.  This isn't coming out right."  He scrubbed at his face briefly with his hand.  "Screw it.  What the fuck did we just say?  I like you.  I said that last night.  In a date-y, sex-y, possibly screwed-up kind of way.  And you...?"

He held his breath while Heero thought about it.  "I... like you.  Not in the same way, I'm sure, but a compatible way, I think, with perhaps a little effort.  Maybe you want a more natural match than that.  Either way, I'm comfortable with all this having been said."

Duo squeezed his eyes shut, in frustration perhaps.  That hadn't really helped clear things up too much.  "Aw, fuck it," he muttered.

The kiss cleared up a large portion of the compatibility issue much more quickly than words could.  The rest would just have to come with time.

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18 comments or Leave a comment
tanuki02 From: tanuki02 Date: January 6th, 2017 09:34 pm (UTC) (Link)
This is both hilarious and very very sweet! Thanks for this delightful dozen!
turnippatch From: turnippatch Date: January 9th, 2017 12:13 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks for playing!
sharona1x2 From: sharona1x2 Date: January 7th, 2017 05:17 pm (UTC) (Link)
That was an adorable way to end the series of stories. I'm glad Duo finally decided to make things crystal clear in the end. Communication is so important. :-)
turnippatch From: turnippatch Date: January 9th, 2017 12:15 am (UTC) (Link)
Heero thought he was making himself quite clear.  Unfortunately, Duo wanted more of a yes/no answer than a precise answer.
lavendarlizard From: lavendarlizard Date: January 7th, 2017 11:53 pm (UTC) (Link)
Dogs and cats get along quite well when left to their own devices. ^__^ Undoubtedly, this dog and cat will also.
turnippatch From: turnippatch Date: January 9th, 2017 12:16 am (UTC) (Link)
I think Heero's gonna be one of those large-ish mellow dogs that Duo can just clamber all over.
sunhawk16 From: sunhawk16 Date: January 8th, 2017 12:29 am (UTC) (Link)
oh my god... this one made be giggle right through and I couldn't help laughing right out when Duo took their analogy just a *ahem* hair to far for his own comfort. LOLOLOL
This was great!
Though I'm sad to see it come to an end. *sigh* THIS year I'm gonna start sooner and have actual content and maybe crap that isn't depressing as all get out.
turnippatch From: turnippatch Date: January 9th, 2017 12:24 am (UTC) (Link)
'Alcohol' as a theme was a bit dangerous in terms of leaning toward depressing topics somewhat easily.  I managed to bend things so they were actually only drinking in like one and a half stories.

I try to tell myself to be on the lookout for good ficlet ideas all year round.  It usually doesn't work out that way.  But I really only need like 3 of my pieces to have a decent amount of 'content' and everything else just has to meet 'bite-sized' min spec.  I just need one cute-or-something moment to form up around.  Any context is just whipped cream on top.
sunhawk16 From: sunhawk16 Date: January 29th, 2017 01:55 pm (UTC) (Link)
My goal this year is to come up with SOMEthing every month. So far, for January, I have a stupid thing that I started some time ago and managed to forget what the inspiration was, so I have absolutely NO idea where I was going. So yeah... we shall see what I can manage by next year. >_>
turnippatch From: turnippatch Date: January 30th, 2017 02:30 am (UTC) (Link)
This cat and dog thing was probably a couple of years old when the gist of it got jotted down, and the final result has little in common with the original idea, aside from the first few lines. *shrug* These things happen. =p My initial ideas are usually kind of lame anyway.  Better to let them age a little...

I'd be pretty flaily if I didn't use a theme every year.  I need something to seed my efforts. (i hit upon this theme and then remembered i had this cat/dog thing lying around and score! one for free!)

Bleh, I have to get back on the fic wagon and write that other series I was working on, don't I?  Or even that other series.  So important, trying to hang on to that wagon!
pyrrhical From: pyrrhical Date: January 8th, 2017 05:32 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm sorry, I choked laughing somewhere in the middle there. This just reminds me of Luke in Gilmore girls, with his, "I get into the strangest conversations in this room" comment in A Year in the LIfe. Just. I love it. Duo having no idea what's going on is just perfect. Especially since he started it.
turnippatch From: turnippatch Date: January 9th, 2017 12:27 am (UTC) (Link)
I dunno, I think Heero sort of started it with the 'i didn't know you had a cat' line.  He does tend to be a little more literal-minded. ^^'

(well, okay, this conversation isn't literal in the slightest, but...)
pellsfan From: pellsfan Date: January 12th, 2017 12:50 am (UTC) (Link)
Crap! I'm so gonna miss this. Such a lovely little world you have created.

And this convoluted conversation was absolutely delightful.
turnippatch From: turnippatch Date: January 13th, 2017 06:51 am (UTC) (Link)
Well, I seem to have a bad habit of writing these every year, so I suppose there will be more to come eventually?
ae_mouse From: ae_mouse Date: January 20th, 2017 08:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
I loved this last installment! The tag line is the best.
turnippatch From: turnippatch Date: January 23rd, 2017 09:11 am (UTC) (Link)

Every year, I probably stress out more trying to come up with a good 'two' theme rather than over the fics themselves. =p
ramenkuri From: ramenkuri Date: January 26th, 2017 06:57 am (UTC) (Link)
My goodness, that was hilarious and sooo sweet! What a great conversation!
turnippatch From: turnippatch Date: January 28th, 2017 08:54 am (UTC) (Link)
It actually kinda went a lot farther than I thought it would... ^^'
18 comments or Leave a comment