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fic - conspiracy theory [haven] - the turnip patch
version 2.0
fic - conspiracy theory [haven]
Title:  Conspiracy Theory
Series:  Moments of Haven
Summary:  If the preceding fics have been my body of evidence, then this is my closing argument.

Conspiracy Theory
A Moment of Haven

Relena had long since returned to her work, and while it was as busy as ever, she always made it a point to take the calls from one Mutsuko Suzuhara.

"Oh, I'm so nervous, Lena!  What if I mess things up?"

Relena's eyes snapped away from the distracting digital photograph of Heero and Duo curled up together on the floor of a daycare center.  After she had acquired the picture from the boys' neighbor, she'd set it as her computer's desktop wallpaper on a whim, and at any given point in the day, she had only to clear her desktop of clutter and look on the charming image for a moment of peace and relaxation.  "You won't mess things up, Suzuhara-san.  You can't."

"Now, I've said you don't have to call me that, Lena," she chided sternly, more than happy to dwell upon something else for a short moment.  "Muchi will do just fine.  Just because the boys address me as such, doesn't mean that you have to, too."

Relena went along with the temporary change of topic easily.  "As long as you don't mind, I'll continue to call you Suzuhara-san.  It would be confusing to have to switch names and addresses when I'm talking to them, since they're so used to the traditional form."

"Yes, but Duo isn't learning any Japanese from me anymore, so there's no reason for him to address me so properly."

"You know Duo.  For all that he loves trying out new things, he does still cling to his tried and true ways.  Which brings us back to our point.  You know how Heero and Duo are.  You can't mess things up, so long as you don't traumatize them."

"But what if I traumatize them?!"

Relena sighed patiently.  "You're not planning on... oh, I don't know.  I can't even think of anything heinous enough that would be irrevocably traumatizing.  You're just going to leave them to their own devices.  We've discussed this, and we've both agreed that we've paved the way, and all that's left for us to do is wait for them to decide where to go from here.  It's all up to them, so you can't possibly mess up."

"But what if they mess up!?"

"Suzuhara-san.  Listen, do you believe in them?  Believe in the strength of their relationship, both present and future?"

"Of course."

"Then have a little faith.  Things will turn out as they were meant to.  Our role in this is small.  We are but tiny catalysts to speed along their relationship.  They will come together properly, as they must."

"Oh, alright.  I can do this.  It's only a few short hours away, though!  Oh, I'm getting all nervous again."

"Relax.  Everything will be fine.  I'm sorry I can't be there for this.  You will call me when it's over, won't you?"

"Of course."

"Then take a deep breath, bring your patience to the forefront, and above all, believe."

When the doorbell rang, their eyes met, each silently asking the other if he was expecting someone.  Both answers were negative.  Suzuhara-san was already over and sitting right in front of them, so who else was left?  Especially following the dinner hour.

"I got it," Duo called, bouncing up from his place on the sofa beside Heero and to the front door.  He took a peek through the peephole, blinked, and opened the door.  "Father MacKenzie," he said in surprise.  "What are you-- Oh, um, sorry, please, come in.  What can we do for you?"

"Father!" Ms. Suzuhara called from where she sat across from Heero.  From there she could see through an open doorway to where they stood, and she stood to greet him.  "You're right on time.  Come on in."

A puzzled Duo closed the door behind the priest, who was nodding his hellos to the room.  "On time for what?  Or do I even want to know?"  As he returned to his seat, he cast another questioning look at Heero, who shrugged slightly in return.

"Have a seat, boys," she said as an answer.  "I want to talk to you about something."

Duo paused momentarily in the action of sitting down before completing it slowly.  "Uh-oh.  This sounds important."

"It is."

He eyed the pair of them oddly.  "You guys aren't, like, getting married or something, are you?  'Cuz that would be really weird."

Father MacKenzie laughed aloud, but the guess took Suzuhara-san quite by surprise.  "No, of course not."

"Are you aliens?"


"Then what?" he asked, fidgeting.  He was halfway to believing that that sexuality question had finally caught up with him when Heero's light hand on his knee stopped it from jiggling up and down anymore.  Still, he kept running the last month or so through his head, trying to figure out what he had done wrong, something big enough to call in a priest for.  He was a little startled when he really couldn't think of much.

"I just want to talk to you two about your future."

"Oh, is that all?  Not all that interested in becoming a priest, though.  Sorry.  Heh."  He laughed hesitantly in Father MacKenzie's direction, but was rewarded only with an indulgent smile.  "Heh-heh.  Eh.  Urm.  Yeah."  He glanced nervously away.

"Oh, relax, Duo," Ms. Suzuhara chided.  "You don't have to act as if we just caught your hand in the cookie jar.  Look at Heero.  He's not worried."

Duo didn't have to look to know.  "Heero never gets worried about anything.  He could be in freefall from the top of a very tall building and not be worried!  Trust me, I know.  That doesn't mean anything!"

"Duo," Heero said evenly, a faint whiff of reprimand in there to let Duo know how unreasonable he was being.

"Hmph," he huffed, but leaned back against the cushions in apparent nonchalance and waited for their neighbor to get to the point.  He didn't know what the priest was doing there, but he seemed to be cast in a supporting role.  Duo's eyes started roaming the room casually marking the exits even though he knew them all already.  He got defensive when he was nervous.

"Well," Suzuhara-san began.  "You two are still single."

Duo's eyes stopped to roll upwards towards the heavens for patience.  "Is this another relationship talk?"

"Yes.  But it's different.  So bear with me.  I think I figured out why that is, a large part of it, anyway."

Duo successfully resisted the urge to be snide.

She continued on, oblivious.  "You have a standard that you've been measuring people against, right, Duo?  And everyone has come up lacking, right?"

He nodded cautiously.

"Well, that's because that standard has a name, and its name is Heero."

"...Huh?" he responded cluelessly.  Even Heero was raising an eyebrow at this one.

"You're comparing all these potential relationships with the one that you have with Heero, and since he's already taking care of all your emotional needs, you aren't needing to find anyone else."

"Oookay.  That certainly was different.  So what you're saying is that I've been right all this time, and I don't need anything else in my life, right?"  He didn't wait for an answer.  "Great!  So I'm off the hook, you can stop trying, and we can all be happy.  Oh, wait, sorry, Heero, I guess you're next in line, aren't you?"

"Not so fast, Duo," Ms. Suzuhara cut in hastily.  "I'm not done yet.  Now that you mention it, this next part does involve Heero.  And incidentally, pretty much everything I'm saying to one of you, applies to the other as well, so please don't think I'm singling anyone out here."  She waited for Duo to settle down again to that wary waiting state.  "We like being efficient, don't we, boys?"

Duo knew better than to answer with anything that could possibly be incriminating, so he maintained his silence.  Heero never considered answering.

Their neighbor knew how to operate without response.  "So I was thinking, why don't we just cut out all the extra players on the field and streamline this whole relationship thing.  With me so far?  Excellent.  So the point is, since you're already taking care of all of each other's emotional needs, why don't you just take care of each other's physical needs as well?"  She said that with such a pleasant smile on her face.  It was the most reasonable thing in the world, after all.

Duo blinked once or twice in incomprehension, and then the light bulb went on his head, and he blinked a few more times, though this time in pure speechlessness and non-reaction.  "... ... Excuse me?"  Beside him, Heero didn't even twitch.  Was that because the cogs in his brain were too busy spinning, or was he just as dumbstruck as Duo?  Dammit, of all the times for Heero to leave the talking to him.  "You think... Heero and me... should hook up?"

"Why not?  It seems perfectly logical to me."

Blink.  Blink.  Click.  "Waaaaaaait a minute.  You... and Lena... that day at the mall.  And you guys were-- And then you asked me-- God!"  He ran an agitated hand through his bangs.  "You two are in this together, aren't you?  You two have been... been *plotting* this for who knows how long now, and... and... and are you people *insane*?"

Suzuhara-san didn't deny the Relena/plot part, but she did take exception to the insane part.  "You're not taking a moment to stand back and consider this, Duo."

"Consider?  What is there to consider here?  Heero is my best friend.  That's it."

"And didn't you tell me once that your lover should be your best friend?"

Well, maybe he had said something to that effect.  "But that's not the same as saying your best friend should be your lover!"

She waved dismissively.  "Close enough.  The end result is the same."

"It is *not* the same!  Heero," he whined at the young man next to him, looking for some backup here.

Heero shrugged.  "It's not the same."

"See?  Not the same."  And if Heero said so, then it must be so.

Suzuhara-san smiled tolerantly at them.  "It could work, Duo.  It really could.  There are so many reasons for it, and so very few against."

"What, you have an enumerated list?"  If she whipped one out of her purse, he was going to run screaming from the room.

"I don't need a list," she said beatifically.  "The evidence is all right in front of me, even as we speak.  You two are sitting rather close to each other, after all."

Duo blinked in horror and looked down to confirm that indeed, he was close enough to feel Heero's presence by his side.  He reflexively scooted away from him, but only an inch or so.  "It's a two seater couch, and there are three people on it," he attempted to explain.

"Blackie doesn't count, dear."

"He does, too, when he's taking up a seat."

"He's sitting mostly on the arm of the sofa, not on the cushions.  And that doesn't explain why you two act like an old married couple already, anyway."

"You *are* insane."

"Then do be a dear and humor your senile neighbor, and let her ramble on in her old age."

"That's not what I meant," he said immediately.  It was unclear whether he was referring to the senile part, or the letting her ramble part.

"You two are always together," she pointed out.

"We're friends.  Why not?  We have the same social circles.  And we do live together, ya know.  Maybe we just enjoy each other's company."

"When he got sick that one time, you knew.  You could tell just by watching him."

"So I know him well enough to know when something's off.  Big deal."

"You're always taking each other into consideration, even when the other isn't present."

"So?  We're being nice.  Friends do that, you know.  Be nice to each other.  Try something else, something that can't be explained away so easily."  He was getting into the rhythm of things now.

"You know how he organizes his underwear drawer."

"We live together," he shot back.  "We do our laundry together, and sometimes it's convenient to just put the laundry away rather than letting it stack up somewhere."

"You know each other's blood types.  I know people who have been together for years who don't know things like that."

"Useful to know in case of emergency."

"You only have one car between the two of you."

Duo waited a few moments for the rest of it.  "And?"

She made an exasperated sound.  "If you two were really all that separate, then you'd each have a car."

"We each have a bike," Duo pointed out.

"But you rarely use them."  That was mostly a very educated guess, but a guess nevertheless.  She didn't give them any moment to contradict her statement.  "So you've functionally got one jeep between the two of you."

"And it's worked this long.  Obviously we don't need a second vehicle.  And if this is the strength of your argument, then I'd be delighted to point out that we have two separate bank accounts."

"It's practically a joint account since you two don't keep track of who pays how much for what when.  No one bothers to keep things balanced.  So it's not really like you 'share' the bills.  You pay them together.  Just like you don't 'share' the car because you two are always in it together.  Anywhere you go, you both go.  You two don't have separate lives."

"Well, maybe we just don't have lives at all," Duo said defensively.  "And we have nowhere to go, except work or something, and we both work at the same place, and carpooling is really great for the environment."

Suzuhara-san leaned in for the kill on this point.  "When was the last time you two were more than a few kilometers apart?"

Well, the other day, Heero went off to-- No, wait, Duo was with him then.  Okay, when Duo went to... No, that was within a couple of kilometers of home.  He ran back through the days in his head, all dreams of an easy answer dashed on the rocks of reality, and finally came up with a satisfactory response.  "I refuse to answer that."

Ms. Suzuhara smiled in victory.  "You two are joined at the hip."

"Yeah, well, joined at the hip is one thing, but joined at the--"  Wait a minute.  This was their neighbor they were talking to, not to mention a priest was present.  "--ahem... is another!"

She raised an eyebrow at his attempt at self-censorship.  "You know, other people look at you two, and think you're a couple."

Duo paused.  He hadn't known that.  Just how many people were 'other people'?  "Well, that's their problem, now isn't it?"

She rolled her eyes.  "Fine.  You think Heero's sexy.  You've said so yourself, don't try to deny it."

"In a completely objective sort of way, yeah," he answered indignantly.  "Look at him!  You said he was sexy, too.  I mean, really, who is there that doesn't think Heero's sexy?"  He looked at Suzuhara-san challengingly, but out of the corner of his eye, he saw Heero's hand rise slightly to signal his qualification.  Duo slapped the offending appendage down.  "You don't count, Heero."

"Aha!" Ms. Suzuhara spoke triumphantly.  "You're allowed to touch Heero like that."

"You're going to have to bring that up with him," Duo dodged, all too happy to pass the conch to the one that had, until now, managed to slip by under the radar.

She turned to mostly silent youth.  "You let Duo touch you like that," she repeated her point.  "And you let him into your personal space and everything."

Heero looked back her with unruffled calm.  "I trust him."

"Well, see, Duo?" she pointed out logically.  "Heero accepts what you two have between you.  He trusts you with his body."

Duo's bark of laughter was contained only briefly before he let it out.  "That is not what he said.  And don't you tell me 'close enough'."

"I don't think I have to," she answered smugly.  "I think you trust him, too."

"Of course I do," he responded automatically.  He couldn't take it back, though; it was true.  "But--"

"And it's more than just you working together, or just you living together.  It's you being able to have a conversation just by looking at each other.  It's you cooking together in a small kitchen and never once bumping into each other.  It's you knowing when the other is going through a rough time and knowing just what to do to get him out of it.  It's you--"

Duo looked up from the blank stare he had been treating the coffee table between them to.  "Don't make me say it again, Suzuhara-san," he said mildly.  "We're friends.  Good friends.  And we've been together -- and I don't mean 'been together', I just mean been together, for almost three years now.  It's only natural that--"

"Almost a year of that was war, and from what I've been able to pick up on, you only enjoyed each other's company at the beginning, at the end, and a little bit in the middle.  In any case, three years, Duo.  That's it.  Three years isn't that long.  Not for what we're talking here."

He pursed his lips together in consideration before speaking again.  "We're not talking about anything here.  There's nothing to be talking about."

Ms. Suzuhara couldn't help the bit of exasperation that leaked into her tone.  "Stop being stubborn and really think about it for a moment, Duo.  Give it a shot.  Your only objection so far has been that that's just not how things are right now.  Well, try changing them.  You haven't denied that Heero's everything you've been looking for, emotionally, and you haven't denied that there's nothing wrong with him physically, either.  Add the two of them together and the answer is clear.  Aren't you two ready for something new yet?  You've completely explored all avenues of platonic friendship, and if you step beyond that, I think that your friendship is strong enough that it'll definitely survive, even if things don't work out romantically."

"That's still not a good reason to--"

"Oh, just try it, for heaven's sake!"

A small, incredulous smirk appeared on Duo's face.  "Ahem.  Heaven's sake?  You want me to engage in an act of sodomy for *heaven's* sake?"

Father MacKenzie finally joined the conversation.  "God smiles upon you, my sons."

"Really," Duo said flatly.

"Love is a sacred, holy, and rare thing, my children.  How could God not bless it?"

Duo graced him with a Look.  "My, you're liberal, aren't you?"  He shook his head and turned to his partner, who observed the proceedings with a hint of bemusement in his expression.  "Is it just me, or is this all rather unreal?"


He shook his head again and confronted the priest.  "So what's your stake in this?  Why are you here?"

"That was it," the father answered cheerfully.

Duo blinked calmly at him before reacting.  "That was it," he repeated.  "You were only here just so you could tell me that God wouldn't have a problem with me having sex with my friend here?"

The nod in reply had just a little too much amiable bounce to it.  Duo looked long and hard at him, then at Suzuhara-san, then back at him.  "Why are you still here?"

"Duo," the woman said in reprimand.

Father MacKenzie didn't mind.  He shrugged.  "I want to see how this turns out," he responded blithely.  He ducked his head slightly to whisper loudly at them.  "I think you two would be great together."

Duo stared at him, glanced back for a while at Heero's neutral profile, then buried his face in his hands and let out a good, loud "aaaaaaaaaaugh!" in release before uncovering his face and sitting back up straight and appearing rather too calm and friendly.

Startled, Suzuhara-san decided to turn her attention to Heero for a little while and give Duo a chance to recover.  "Heero, say it's a cold night out, and you know Duo's cold.  What do you do?"

"Bring him his jacket," Heero answered easily.

Suzuhara-san rolled her eyes.  "Say he doesn't have one."

"I'd lend him mine."

Okay, getting better.  "Say you're not wearing one."

"It's a cold night.  I'd be wearing one."

"But the cold doesn't bother you as it does Duo."

"It's cold.  I'd be wearing one, and since it doesn't bother me, I'd lend it to him."

"But say you weren't."

"I'd be wearing one.  It's got pockets."

Blink.  "What has pockets to do with anything?"

"You can put things in pockets."

"..."  Obviously this line of questioning wasn't going to get her anywhere.  The undertone of a smirk running through Duo's too-wide smile was putting her back a few steps.  She altered her tactics and stuck with the facts instead.  "How does Duo like his, oh, bananas?  You know, ripe, slightly green...?"

There was a moment of silence as Heero's mind switched gears.  "He doesn't."

Good enough.  "What sort of fruit does he like?  First thing that comes to mind."

"Apples."  He went ahead and answered the rest of her question.  "Tart and crunchy."

"Does he brush his teeth before or after showering?"


"How does he sleep?"


Alright, she supposed the question was somewhat vague.  "I meant, on his back, on his side?"

"On his side."

"Hmmm."  She tried to come up with a real zinger.  "What color are his eyes?"

Oddly enough, that one was difficult to answer.  "Somewhere on the border between blue and purple.  Darker on the outside than on the inside, with a few flecks of distinct shading for highlights.  The depth of color seems to fluctuate based on a number of factors, ranging from his mood to the time of day."

"Hmm," Father MacKenzie murmured.  "Not very poetic, but impressive nevertheless."

"Objection," Duo finally protested.  "Heero's observant.  He can probably remember what clothes you were wearing three days ago."

"The shirt with the bleaching stain you always cover up with a light jacket," Heero answered without prompting.

"See?"  He smirked triumphantly, crossing his arms over his chest in satisfaction.

Ms. Suzuhara merely took that as a sign to renew her attack on Duo.  "You like the smell of jasmine, don't you?"

He thought swiftly, trying to figure out all the ways his answer could be used against him, but could come up with none.  "Yeah," he answered slowly, ready to take it back the instant he saw her eyes light up.

"And this is a fairly recent thing, isn't it?  I mean, you haven't always liked the scent, right?"

"Well, yeah.  But then again, I was never really around jasmine all that much growing up," he was quick to add, hoping that small deflection would be enough to counter her point.  "So maybe I always did like it, I just never knew."

Unfortunately, the addendum only assisted her.  "So you mean, you've only recently been exposed to it."

"That jasmine plant you were thinking about buying, that time at the nursery."

"That was it?  That was your only exposure, and it was enough to inspire your adoration of the scent?"

He thought about it.  "Yeah, I suppose."

"Aha!  You're wrong."

"What do you mean, I'm wrong?"  Dangit, did he let her slip by his defenses?

"What if I told you that you've been inhaling the scent of jasmine every day?  What if I told you that it is, in fact, the scent of Heero's shampoo you've been enjoying?"

"What?"  He glanced at Heero incredulously.  "Pardon me," he excused himself before hooking an arm over Heero's shoulders and around his neck to unceremoniously pull his head close enough to take a whiff of his hair.  Sure enough, it was faint, which would explain why he never noticed it before, but it was there.  He let go with a look of betrayal in his eyes.  "Heero!  How could you?"

Heero shrugged.  "Suzuhara-san bought it for me."

"Aha!  I knew it."  He turned on Ms. Suzuhara, his finger extended towards her in accusation.  "You framed me!  You totally set me up!"

"Not true," she said in her defense.  "Not true at all.  I only bought the first bottle for Heero, and that was ages ago.  He's been buying the same brand all by himself since then.  So what it really is, is that you adore the scent of Heero's hair, and how much more romantic can you get than that?"

"This is so unscientific!  You're getting all your causalities completely mixed up!"

"Science has little to do with love, Duo," she countered with a benign smile.

"It does when you're trying to frame me!" he half-roared, half-sobbed in frustration.  He huddled down in his seat and glued a pouting expression on his face.

A brief silence reigned in the aftermath of that cry.  Then, "Duo," Ms. Suzuhara said gently.

"What?" he groused.

"You're sitting rather close to him again."

And he knew it to be true.  He had a few options at this point.  Scoot away again, but that would mean that Suzuhara-san would win the point.  Spite her and make himself even more comfortable against Heero's side, but that would mean that Suzuhara-san would win the point.  Scream in irritation once again, but that would mean that Suzuhara-san would win the point.  Hell, she was only stating a fact -- she had already won the point.  He decided to take a Heero approach to the matter, and didn't budge an inch either way.  "Hn."  He added a glare at nothing in particular.  He wasn't about to forsake his place by the only neutral territory in the entire room.

Their neighbor/matchmaker turned to the more reasonable of the pair.  Heero could make a point better than she ever could.  "You trust Duo, you said.  You trust him more than anyone else in this world, right?"

"Yes."  The answer wasn't spoken immediately.  It was given with all the thought and consideration that Heero normally gave things, and that somehow made its impact just that much stronger.

"You enjoy the time spent in his company, yes?"


"Have you ever turned around and expected him to just be there, only to be startled that he wasn't?"  Relena had clued her in on that one, from what she had seen of them when they were apart.

Heero tilted his head at her curiously.  He'd never studied their relationship under this particular light before, and he'd never put words to half the sensations that were the result of Duo's presence.  He'd never had to.  "Yes."

Over in his corner, Duo glared all the more fiercely at the lamp by their neighbor's side, and tried to ignore what the voices in his head were telling him would be the answers to those same questions if applied to himself.

"And you've wanted him to be there?"


"You ever see something in a store, on the street, and think, 'Duo would like that'?"


"Do you think you might love him?"

"That's it!" Duo finally interrupted, transferring his glare back to Ms. Suzuhara.  "Ambiguous!  Completely ambiguous, every last one of those questions.  They could be about friendship or anything."

"That's exactly my point, Duo," she confirmed.  "Your entire relationship is completely ambiguous, and the only reason why it's still just friendship, no matter how strong, is because all this time you've only been interpreting all of these things as friendship instead of the love it truly is."

"That's ridiculous," he cried, surging out of his slump in his seat to lean forward aggressively towards her.  "I do *not* l--"  The words curled up and died his throat.

Suzuhara-san rose an eloquent brow at him.  "Can't say it, can you?"

Duo shut his eyes briefly and swallowed, turning his face away from the others in the room.  "Not like that, okay?" he managed in a low tone.  "Maybe, but not like that."

She let that sink in before speaking once more.  "I have something to show you.  Upstairs."  She stood, and Father MacKenzie stood with her, cocking his head at her for confirmation that he was allowed to attend as well.  She nodded.

"Upstairs?" Duo asked, the tired tone adding a bite to his words.  "What can possibly be upstairs in our own home?"

"Come with me to find out."  And she moved towards the stairs, hoping that they would follow, but knowing that she couldn't force them.  The priest trailed along, leaving the two of them behind for a while.

Duo showed no signs of moving, his stare still held by a point in space, but Heero got up slowly, and stood silently before him.  The strength of his presence finally caused Duo to look in his direction, to be confronted with a loosely outstretched hand.  Duo transferred his gaze from the hand to its owner, a question in his eyes.

Heero shrugged slightly, his hand not wavering.  "We've put up with this much."  Might as well put up with the rest.

Duo's lips quirked up only momentarily at the edges, the best he could do for a smile, given the situation.  "And look where it's gotten us so far."  But he took a hold of the offered hand and levered himself out of his seat.

Once on his feet, his eyes met Heero's once more, and he took in the image of solidity that Heero presented.  The equilibrium was undeniable, the calm unshakable, and as always, Duo found his own expression smoothing in response.  Heero's grip on his hand tightened for half a second before it loosened again, and he led the way towards the stairs, but before they got there, Duo slowed his step a bit and his hand slid out from between Heero's fingers.  Heero didn't slow, as he felt Duo continue to follow after him, but he cast a glance over his shoulder at his... something or another.

Duo shook his head slightly to indicate that nothing was the matter, and Heero turned back in the forward direction, unmindful of the strange look that passed over Duo's countenance as he studied Heero's hand, swaying lightly as the teen moved, and puzzled over the dry, warm comfort that had been communicated through the reassuring contact.  It was the same as always, but now things were different, and he wasn't sure he liked it.

Suzuhara-san and Father MacKenzie awaited them at the top of the stairs.  Without comment, Ms. Suzuhara led them to the door of Duo's bedroom.  Standing on the far side, she gestured them inside before her, and they complied, although Duo put aside his mental meanderings for a while to favor her with another suspicious look.  Once they were safely inside, she stood in the doorway and addressed them.  "The master bedroom," she identified unnecessarily for them.  "Where I hope you may spend many a joyful night in each other's company.  That being said...."  She took a step back, slammed the door shut, and quickly twisted the lock that Heero had installed on the outside, once upon a time.

"What the--?"  Duo's outraged voice came muffled through the door.  "Suzuhara-san!  What the hell do you think you're doing?!"

She jumped when he gave the door a good, solid thump.  "Giving you two the opportunity to talk things out by yourselves," she called through the barrier.

"Don't you think it's a little unnecessary to lock us in a room together?!"  The doorknob jiggled violently before it went still, and Duo's footsteps were heard thumping to the other side of the room, presumably to address Heero.  "Can you believe this?  Of all the crazy-- How can you be so calm about this?"

"Oh!" Suzuhara-san exclaimed to herself, almost forgetting something.  She reached into the purse she had discreetly brought up with her and pulled something out.  Sure that Duo was securely distant from the sound of his voice, she unlocked the door and opened it just long enough to toss the item in the direction of the bed before swiftly slamming it shut and locking it again.  "You'll need this," she informed them loudly.

"Augh!" Duo yelped, and she smirked.  "What do you expect us to do with this!?"

"You're both smart boys.  I'm sure you'll figure it out.  Now, I don't want to see you two outside of this room tomorrow unless you've got great big grins on your faces, you hear me?"

"Um," Father MacKenzie started hesitantly.  "Are you sure this is safe?"

"Oh, of course," she reassured him.  "As soon as Duo calms down, I'm sure he'll remember that he can pick this lock open with his hands tied behind his back."

"Nevertheless, Muchi... You don't think this is a bit... much?"  He gestured vaguely at the door.

"Well, of course it is," she answered, undisturbed by the sound of ranting from the other side of the door.  "That's the whole point.  You saw how they were.  Subtlety was totally lost on them.  It was time for a direct approach."

He shook his head.  "And you spent so much time being reasonable, too."

"And now it's their turn."

She didn't see them that next morning, and was pleased.  When she did catch sight of Duo that afternoon, however, she was less than pleased.  "So, how did your night go?"

Duo tossed a wide smirk in her direction and went about his business.

"What's that supposed to mean?  I didn't ask for a smirk, I asked for a grin.  That wasn't a grin.  Was that a grin?"

Duo's smirk just got wider, and he left Suzuhara-san wondering just what had gone on behind closed doors.  Well, she sighed, she didn't need to know the details.  So long as they two of them were still at least friendly, she'd consider it mission success.

well, she may not need to know, but i'm sure you do, so go read the next chapter.

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berneynator From: berneynator Date: February 2nd, 2010 07:35 am (UTC) (Link)

Review, Part II

Loved the “two-headed four-armed fork-and-spoon-wielding creature” when they’re eating breakfast with Wufei.

The ‘furniture is made for big people’ thing is so true- I don’t usually have a wrist problem, but my knees tend to start aching when my feet have been hanging off the floor too long. I’m amazed by the way you put things that I know, but would never have thought to associate with a Gundam Wing fanfiction into the story. I just don’t know how you think to put them in, but I like it!

Poor Relena, trying to get the boys to notice each other and failing utterly. It’s a lot of fun watching Ms. Suzuhara and Relena plot.

I love this: “The tomato attempted to flee from his clutches, but his deft fingers swiftly recaptured it and crushed its rebellion.” It made me giggle. I also loved the boys’ discussion about cuddling and comparing the horrors of their respective days at the mall and with Ami.

Ooh. I adore this part. Poor Father Mackenzie, he’s almost superfluous except as a means of cutting off one avenue of escape! Of course I want them to really think about it, but really tossing in a tube of lube was expecting way too much! The way they climb out the window really makes me think of little boys who’ve been sent to their room, so I guess the maternal dynamic there is still going strong! Although I don’t think most parents try to encourage their kids to sleep with people. And Duo’s justifications are just too funny, especially the bit about thinking Heero’s sexy.

Looks like there’s going to be a major relationship shift here, so I guess I’ll start the third part of my review with the next chapter. I kind of doubt, given the pacing so far, that they did as directed, but I guess I’ll find out! Sorry for inundating you like this. You’re an awesome writer!
turnippatch From: turnippatch Date: February 2nd, 2010 10:28 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Review, Part II

Heh, being just about the height of a 15-year-old Gundam pilot myself, I have no difficulties imagining life at that size.  I think at most Heero and Duo would grow maybe another four inches -- slowly -- and it just boggles my mind when some people write them getting up to six foot plus.  Maybe most people consider that to be a 'normal' height, but that's just mutant-freak height to me, so I guess we're all just writing what we know. ^_^

I admit... I kind of hate this part!  Talk about being saddled with Haven history!  If I could do this all over again, I would probably do it without Suzuhara-san getting involved.  Looking back on it, I'm pretty sure I only did it because I couldn't figure out how else to get them together in a timely fashion, and now I'm stuck with it.  I'm just not pleased with the whole contrivance of it all.  I first started Haven as a project to try to get the two of them together without any external forces, so I'm not really sure why I ever let this fly since it's like a violation of my entire thesis.

And here's a Haven fun-fact... when I first (like, really really first, way early on in the series) desperately plotted this deus-ex-machina, I actually imagined that the two of them would actually have sex that night.  Hence the lube.  The characterization definitely veered away from that (not sure how it ever veered toward that in the first place. O_o), but the lube stuck around. ^^'

Father Mac has a recurring role in Haven, so I don't feel bad that he played such a bit part here. ^o^

Please... inundate away. ^_^ I always enjoy seeing what people think about all this.  As you say, it's always interesting hearing someone else's opinions and seeing how they differ from my own.
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